A Not So Pretty Wet T-Shirt Contest

In spite of my better judgment, I unwillingly participated in a Wet T-Shirt contest at Stoneridge Mall. Didn't know the mall did Wet T-Shirt contests? Well, it wasn't so much a contest as a complete catastrophe. It all happened last Wednesday night, with the best intentions...

Okay, rewind to me getting up at 4:45AM to get some stuff done, work on a meeting agenda, check email, the normal "mommy morning boogy". By 9AM I had my morning routine finished, kids fed, dressed, lunches made, dropped off at school and the sitters, me dressed and ready to take on the world. Note that by 9AM it occurred to me that I may not had remembered to brush my teeth, possibly due to a last minute realization that I hadn't produced my sons perfect "nut free" lunch, as his school is a nut free zone... can't believe that they let me in! I usually feel very nutty by the time I deliver him, usually 15 minutes late, to Pre-K!

Anyway, the day ran like this...morning routine as described above, 9AM meeting, 10 AM hanging out at stores, 2PM pick up kids, 5:30PM meet sister to watch boys, 6:30 Kindergarten meeting, 7:45 meet sister at Superfrank's to pick up kids... I mean dig them out of the "foam" undersea / pretend that you are in a pool jumpy thing, back at the store to help out for closing.... it was at this point, I should have gone to bed but...

... I didn't. I decided it would be a good idea at 8:30PM to show some of the girls how to spray tan. Of course, I was dressed for any potential business opportunities in my button down, white shirt, but I'm a trooper and wanted to show the girls that this beautiful, organic line did not stain clothes. So I got tanned, redressed and looked like a tan, slightly hot mess.... okay maybe just a tired messy mom! Still very presentable though... After the tan, again feeling like a trouper, I thought I could help some of the girls clean up the place. I gathered hair bowls and combs that needed to be cleaned out and proceeded to the shampoo bowl, keep in mind I am no expert... actually not trained to operate anything much in a spa / salon. So, as I leaned down into the bowl to knock the handle to turn the water on, I forgot that a shampoo bowl has a 2" round fountain staring straight at you, kind of like looking right into the eyes of a shower head... YIKES!

Within a split second, what seemed like 25 gallons of water started pouring over me as the hose jetted out of the hole like a python spitting venom all of the store, my head, my fresh spray tan and yes... my white business shirt. The girls working screamed out in horror as I took a shower in the middle of Jon 'Ric Express Spa and Salon.  The only more horrible thing was getting the water turned off and hearing one beautiful, trendy hairstylist telling me that I looked like I could be in a wet t-shirt contest... the horror...

As I look back, this wouldn't have been my preferred photo op, but envision a 38 year old mother of 2 boys under 5 years old, half drenched in water with streaks of brown stripes down her face that continued down her see through white shirt... well, white and brown striped... at this time, my spray tan was everywhere.

As a testimonial to Fake Bake spray tanning, my white, button down shirt did not stain! Thank you organic products... although the memory of what happened on this lonely Wednesday night will haunt me long enough to curse this shirt forever, never to be worn again. So, life lesson? Supermom I am not, but having a sense of humor when you're a tired, hot, wet, striped mess in the middle of a mall... priceless! Did I mention there was a customer in a chair getting a service? She has been sworn to secrecy never to repeat this story again...